LIKE ARROWS by Cavalry

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, r the sum of scares on my heart. Yet in this turmoil comes strength, for I shall raise my shield against the rain, n unsheathed my blade. Adversity have no victim here.

~By Cavalry~

PLAY by niamh

Let me say that once more- PLAY ISNT DEPENDENT ON THE COLLAR. This is a huge misconception, you do not need to be collared or owned to explore, experiment and enjoy..the THREE BIG E’s..and that doesn’t by the way , make you the fourth e..easy..it makes you smart enough to want to know yourself before you UC, collar or commit.

Back to my thought-

by the same token, what about the ramifications of emotion and love when a collar is involved? what happens if the Dominant/Submissive decides the rules change. THAT collar is pretty much you giving away your choices in many things (oh YES i DID say that) especially for slaves among us, once you CHOOSE to put it on, it’s NO LONGER A VALID OPTION TO TAKE IT OFF, YOU GAVE UP ALL YOUR RIGHTS. (I know it’s illegal hear me out~ all the Ds just sat up and took notice. Jussstttt let the train roll a sec okay?) so what happens then when you are in the middle of a scene and things go horribly wrong, when boundaries are broken or you can’t proceed, does the LOVE that your Dominant/Master have for you then conflict with his CHOICES of what to do with you? how to push you? 

Ever heard the question ~can you hurt someone you love even if it’s for their own good?

so does love then interfere with Dominance? Does it cripple the Master/Mistress in their actions because they can’t get past the emotions? and if so, is it as simple as taking off the collar around your neck to fix that. Will it make it any easier for the Dominant to beat the heck out of you or watch you writhing on the floor broken because that’s what they KNEW you needed, they just had to take the collar OFF to give it?

hmmmmmmm....things to think on...

THOUGHTS ON COLLAR by niamh

~~***DISCLAIMER~SPIRALING MUSE, THOUGHT PATHS ARE TWISTED, PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS  KEEP ALL HANDS INSIDE THE RIDE AND SAY GOODBYE TO SANITY AT THE ENTRANCE***~~~~~

once my lil head starts spiraling its nigh impossible to stop it without some umm..physical or vocal intervention and none of those have happened yet here we GO again.

so....the muse has been thinking pretty heavily over the past few days as the rains have lashed and the thunder has rumbled we have all watched friends and new entrants to our little corner of palringo struggle, hurt and waver over the ins and outs and ups and downs of our lifestyle and in some cases, the blatant abuse of the predators who abuse the power that comes with a title. 

(watches them all run for the doors with a giggle)

i heard something in chat, (oh yea here we go) and i thought about it. and mused on it, and even worried over it a lil bit before i decided to toss my opinions out there~ but yea i knew i would eventually.

(looks round and gets ready to duck)

ooo yea, i'm gonna say it!

~COLLARS ARENT DECLARATIONS OF LOVE PEOPLE!!!! THEY ARE NOT the END ALL BE ALL TROPHY FOR ..I MADE IT..I AM WORTHY.

there i said it! 

OVER NOW by destiny

OVER NOW. I don't know how to make you see

There is no longer you and me

I know you're trying really hard

But I'm still holding up my guard

I thought that we were meant to last

But I cannot forgive the past

I know you find it hard to cope

I refuse to give you false hope

The star that used to shine so bright

Slowly faded by day and night

I sometimes can't believe your words

Because Im filled with so much hurt

There was a time you had it all

But now its time to stand up tall

My love has gone, my heart is broke

There is no fire without smoke

I'm sorry but I have to say

It's time we went our separate way

I know that this is not easy

It's time for you to release me

Destiny © 02/11/2012

SAMHAIN by niamh

Samhain marks one of the two great doorways of the Celtic year, for the Celts divided the year into two seasons: the light and the dark, at Beltane on April 30/May 1st and Samhain on October 31st/November 1st. Some believe that Samhain was the more important festival, marking the beginning of a whole new cycle, just as the Celtic day began at night. For it was understood that in dark silence comes whisperings of new beginnings, the stirring of the seed below the ground. The most magically potent time of this festival is November Eve, the night of October 31st, known today of course, as Halloween. It is on this night that the souls of those who have left in the previous year and those behind the veil (if one so believes) are most active. THIS is the time to grieve for those lost, and begin anew with joy for those living, a cleansing if you will. 

A time for acceptance, something that has always been hard for this muse of a girl.

Having said that, the muse has been very thoughtful on many of her friends. Many of us are going through things in our rl and online, beginnings and endings, resurrections and healings. A lot of us are in pain of some sort or another and it is revealing to us New aspects of who and what we are ~for most of us, pain is an instrument to clarity, and clarity the doorway to not only discovery but true knowledge of self, so this entry is a menagerie of all the things I have felt for my friends who have spoken with me, *smiles*and those who have avoided speaking with me after having one too many “nia moments” (if you don’t know what that is, giggles, be glad). And for those that have perhaps meandered away and gone on to different things.

For those of you reading this and thinking its sad and dark, possibly, but its also full of hope, and new beginnings, we break from the inside out, we heal from the inside out, it’s a process. 

*smiles softly again* I was accused of hurting those around me, not by being mean, but by loving unconditionally, and I will tell you just as I said then, its how and who I am, and that’s how love is, the gift is worth more when freely given ~no? and sometimes, its what we give to others and we WONT allow ourselves that strikes us as most poignant, meaning, if you think I am loving you till it hurts, perhaps I am simply being a mirror for what you give to others?

So as we approach this Halloween, Samhain or even All Saints day (however you perceive it) know my thoughts will be with you.

At Samhain, the old ones, drew near to Earth. Personal prayers in the form of objects symbolizing the wishes of supplicants or ailments to be healed were cast into the fire, and at the end of the ceremonies, brands were lit from the great fire to re-kindle all the home fires of the tribe. As they received the flame that marked this time of beginnings, people surely felt a sense of the kindling of new dreams, projects and hopes for the year to come. The ashes were scattered over the fields and in the streams to return to earth the things of the past, and to foster the things of the present. 

Bright Blessings, May the sparks of hope and light fill your world.

All my love

~~~~nia~~~~

ABANDONED FORSAKEN by niamh

Abandoned Forsaken, deserted.,left desolate or empty,

:no longer inhabited; 

Day 1~ disbelieve, heartache, pain, lack of understanding 

How could you do this to me, after all I’ve given, after all I tried to do, after all I believed in you..how could you simply let me fall to the darkness inside myself..how could you, when you are the one I love so much

Day 2~denial, excuses, tears

Surely you’re ill, somethings wrong you would have contacted me, you would have called~ an email, I’ll check again, an offline..is it working ..hello??

Echoing emptiness

CAN YOU FEEL IT by niamh

Can you feel it 

There is magick in the air

Cant you just taste it?

It is right there!

Hanging in the mists 

As the viel begins to thin

Never knowing where one world ends

And another begins

Step on through

Become the real you

Or don a mask 

And forget your past

Dance in her light

Abandon all your fears 

Embrace the wonders of this night

Let the memories last for years

SOME SAY by Cavalry

Some say I'm cocky, or over confident, watch me pull the trigger on my middle finger and not give a shit. But I'm payin for it. Cuz now I'm a lost cause. I'm the pieces of what's left of this man because. This war has got me ballin. Got this man fallin. Hate n fear runs so deep that I'm hardly walkin.

N now I'm sick of it, I run, cuss n hit. Hiding from the shit I've seen, the demons, they just never quit. Who will save the savior? Or even place a wager, on a man who comes home with such "bad behavior?" We're just broken men, who deployed to defend. N now were home n all we wanta do is pretend. That it just didn't happen. Close ur eyes, open heart, n start rappen. Got this pen tappen. Up against the paper. N for a moment i find some peace that i can savor.

IN THE YEARS by niamh

In the years I have been on my knees as a slave, I have had the pleasure and joy of learning from many Masters and Mistresses. Taking the lessons from each into the swelling tomes of knowledge within my heart and mind, and in the process remembering not only the material but the people who taught it to me.

One of the first lessons I learned was that a girl will never be fully trained~ it’s a paradox, a fully trained kajira. The very essence of our existence lends itself to onward and constant training, the girl who thinks she knows everything and refuses to open heart and mind to new lessons, new ways, something old but different way of doing it; quickly becomes the girl alone amongst her sisters. Bitter and contrite as they openly share information, her mind set in the mires of her own importance and knowledge. 

The mind and heart need open discourse and shared experiences, especially in a world harsh and unbending as our own.

The second lesson that has resonated in me, possibly at times more profoundly than the first, is that you learn more from mistakes than you do from successes. In my first few hands on my knees I met one of the Masters that has helped form the slave I am. At the time I tried all I could to avoid this FreeMan, he was loud, and robust and demanding and harsh, larger than life and the girls all feared him. Even the girls that had long been members of the chain he owned would “change” when the man walked in. There was more purpose in their words, a weariness that I mistakenly took as fear. Then one day when my collar was still not so sparkly new and yet i still wore pristine white, I sat studying as the Man entered, with no other slave about, I , trembling with fear and near paralyzed with trying to remember every lesson I’d learned begged to approach and serve Him. 

To this day the serve is one of the most vivid of memories in my mind, not because it was heated or brilliant, but because after he requested the turian wine, after I’d gone through half a dozen actions to see to his pleasure, the man let lose a soft sigh; no yelling no words of reprimand, a simple sigh.

I stopped in my tracks turned to look at him over my shoulder, he told me to sit everything aside and heel. I did

In the most patient of manners, he proceeded to retrace every step I’d made, describing with infinite clarity the mistakes I’d just performed in serving a Jarl, the wine, the vessel, my overindulgence in detail. His softly spoken lesson, started with a sigh and ended with him telling me to try again, and in half the time and with less “overthinking” I earned one of only two times I ever heard good girl from the mans lips.

The power of a whisper in a whirlwind, later he would tell me he knew that day the ilk of the slave I would be, because only a true kajira would have known the sigh was displeasure. There were a million other reasons to sigh at a girl serving, her beauty, her movement, appreciation.. all these possibilities and in my slaves heart I knew it was displeasure, it was to this quality he said I would return many times on my path to becoming who I need to be.

I finally understood the poise and beauty, the underlying “change” in the girls as he entered, it wasn’t fear. It was more ..respect, understanding, a small amount of fear but not of the man himself. Of failing his expectations.

I was still in whites the last I saw of that particular Master, my time in slavery was spent much in the restricted clothes of an unopened girl, my Mistress wanted to ensure her girls all knew that service begins in the heart not the heat. 

Now each time I enter my home, I look to myMaster and the company he keeps and I feel that same “change” within me, knowing that each is worthy of that respect, that I will never be fully trained but I can strive to be pleasing in the ever changing growth of slavery. My heart belongs to those I serve, my mind embracing each lesson. I cling to everything I learn but my very nature sets in stone the things I learn by misstepping, by displeasing

"Her feelings were easily hurt, a valuable property in  a slave girl. Too she could not control her feelings, another excellent property in  a slave girl. Her feelings, vulnerable, deep, exploitable, in her expressions and on her face, betrayed her, exposing her to men, and their amusement as helplessly as her stripped beauty. They made her more easily controlled, more a slave" Tribesmen of Gor page 103-104

That is perhaps one of the most poignant quotes I’ve ever come across in the books; I always felt there was some flaw inside me, in the way I work because I take things to heart. I wear my heart and my soul on my silks, bared to Master and with holding nothing. This quote was an epiphany for me, to understanding that it allows Master to easily refine and define the girl he wants me to be. I no longer feel there is something wrong with me all the time.

I am also not confident enough to say there is something right with me all the time either. I expect in time, especially in Masters collar and hands, I will continue to grow and soar. I have moments here and there when I take flight, but never far from the nest. I look forward to the day when I can enter the presence of all in Masters home and not fear its all too good to be true and will disappear.

I look forward to the day when I can stop apologizing for being who I am, and feeling the need to defend my actions, my mistakes and my perceived failings when in fact Master hasn’t noticed any of them. I look forward to the day when I can simply let go of all the fears, knowing they will stay gone and not return with the fall of my eyes to sleep or the closing of the door behind me. I despise being insecure and relish the thoughts of losing that trait

In the mean time I will simply be, as Master wills, and I will remember to trust in his knowledge and strength realizing that when I met him, he terrified me, overwhelmed me and made me weak in the knees.. sometimes he still does, only now- he owns me.