~~***DISCLAIMER~SPIRALING MUSE, THOUGHT PATHS ARE TWISTED, PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS KEEP ALL HANDS INSIDE THE RIDE AND SAY GOODBYE TO SANITY AT THE ENTRANCE***~~~~~
once my lil head starts spiraling its nigh impossible to stop it without some umm..physical or vocal intervention and none of those have happened yet here we GO again.
so....the muse has been thinking pretty heavily over the past few days as the rains have lashed and the thunder has rumbled we have all watched friends and new entrants to our little corner of palringo struggle, hurt and waver over the ins and outs and ups and downs of our lifestyle and in some cases, the blatant abuse of the predators who abuse the power that comes with a title.
(watches them all run for the doors with a giggle)
i heard something in chat, (oh yea here we go) and i thought about it. and mused on it, and even worried over it a lil bit before i decided to toss my opinions out there~ but yea i knew i would eventually.
(looks round and gets ready to duck)
ooo yea, i'm gonna say it!
~COLLARS ARENT DECLARATIONS OF LOVE PEOPLE!!!! THEY ARE NOT the END ALL BE ALL TROPHY FOR ..I MADE IT..I AM WORTHY.
there i said it!
i was in A social room the other day and i heard a submissive in heart wrenching (and Emmy winning by the way) agony describe how yet another Dominant had take their collar back and she felt unworthy of anyone’s love. This being said to a Dominant whom I have seen with girls crying on his shoulder about everything from an UC falling through because she was unworthy to a fearful new submissive who was oblivious to the shark fin on the fellas back.
and i thought about that. and i began to analyze and ponder and look at that. Now granted i know this person has been collared here and there and will by next week prolly have another pretty name behind her own and be gushing how its right, and all the heartache was just preparing her for the RIGHT one, but....the bigger picture...
ALL Collars aren’t meant to be a declaration of love are they? i mean, yes threes a connection and a bond and if you are EXTREMELY blessed, you do indeed love the Dominant/ submissive you share that with. BUT
(hears the grumbles from the girls and just holds up a hand and whispers SHUSH lemme finish)
Collars are a physical reminder of our position, according to my research there are different aspects to the collar, different symbolism based on your path, for example for
the goreans among us
The gorean collar has 4 common purposes:
1 - designates a girl as a slave
2 - impresses her slavery upon her
3 - identifies who owns her
4 - makes leashing the slave easier
for those of us who are non gorean, the purpose is close but not the same, the way it was described and taught to me in my first days on my knees was its a physical symbol and reminder of the hand at my throat, My Dominant.
so yes it impresses our submission on us, it identifies and signifies who owns us, it facilitates play or even helps us to focus and remember WHO we are when we aren’t right with our Dominants.
And yes it signifies COMMITMENT between individuals.
There are as many meanings behind the collar as there are types of collars out there
THAT DOESNT EQUAL LOVE
In the end, whats around your neck is simply another pretty adornment without the meaning being clear in your HEAD .
A Dominant can remove his collar and STILL love the person he has released.
A submissive can be collared to a Dominant who fulfills her needs without feeling love for him (((OOOOOOOOO NIA SAID A BAD THING))
its like the fine line between loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone.
equating a collar with love is in my humble lil opinion a good way to DOOM any relationship.
and i know many a person be they Dominant or submissive in our world who is MADLY in love with someone who isn’t IN their collar.
Bottom line is that love is sometimes a dangerous thing to throw into the mix. the heart is easier led astray than the mind. Logical thought will often lead you to places that romantic notion WONT
sex slaves are just that~ slaves, they have no greater purpose in the lives of their Masters than the pleasure they bring today and if they don’t tomorrow they can be released and forgotten, will a collar on her neck make her easier to love or keep her from being told the relationship is not right?
by the same point, there are submissives who have been WITH the same Dominant for YEARS and yet wear no collar~ Does the lack of a collar mean she isnt loved??
and for that matter, there are bottoms who just enjoy a damn good slap and spank and tickle with a top of their choice . play isn’t dependent on the collar.
Let me say that once more- PLAY ISNT DEPENDENT ON THE COLLAR. This is a huge misconception, you do not need to be collared or owned to explore, experiment and enjoy..the THREE BIG E’s..and that doesn’t by the way , make you the fourth e..easy..it makes you smart enough to want to know yourself before you UC, collar or commit.
Back to my thought-
by the same token, what about the ramifications of emotion and love when a collar is involved? what happens if the Dominant/Submissive decides the rules change. THAT collar is pretty much you giving away your choices in many things (oh YES i DID say that) especially for slaves among us, once you CHOOSE to put it on, it’s NO LONGER A VALID OPTION TO TAKE IT OFF, YOU GAVE UP ALL YOUR RIGHTS. (I know it’s illegal hear me out~ all the Ds just sat up and took notice. Jussstttt let the train roll a sec okay?) so what happens then when you are in the middle of a scene and things go horribly wrong, when boundaries are broken or you can’t proceed, does the LOVE that your Dominant/Master have for you then conflict with his CHOICES of what to do with you? how to push you?
Ever heard the question ~can you hurt someone you love even if it’s for their own good?
so does love then interfere with Dominance? Does it cripple the Master/Mistress in their actions because they can’t get past the emotions? and if so, is it as simple as taking off the collar around your neck to fix that. Will it make it any easier for the Dominant to beat the heck out of you or watch you writhing on the floor broken because that’s what they KNEW you needed, they just had to take the collar OFF to give it?
hmmmmmmm....things to think on...
and in the end, isn’t the bond, especially the love bond...forged deeper, in the soul?
isn’t it there that the name of the One who will be able to melt you, to burn you, to break you, is written? Isn’t that the tie that binds, and where you are truly anchored to the your other half?
so while collars are symbolistic and amazing and oh so erotic for many reasons. I for one do not, will not and don’t really think i ever have associated wearing a collar with the amount of love MyMaster has or doesn’t have for me. It isn’t about love. In the collar we are not wives or girlfriends or domestic partners~ we are submissives, sluts and slaves.
If youre looking for love, look inside your hearts, not behind the pretty leather or steel necklaces.
JUST MY MUSINGS~~~
So, having said that i don’t equate collars with emotion NECESSARILY (oh yes i fully believe there are those out there that are deeply in love with those who hold their leashes and for those select few who have the fairy tale all i have to say is LUCKY SLUTS!)
~what happens when, collar or no collar~ the relationship doesnt work anymore. NOT because of love, sometimes love just isn’t enough to solidify the realities of a relationship.. one of my favorite lyric sets is a song by Vince Gill and in it is the line.."I wish that we could just turn back the hands of time To find a way to have your world fit into mine".
Sometimes worlds just don’t fit ~one or both of you realize that its simply NOT what you wanted, planned or are willing to compromise or commit to? Can you take the emotion away and make the choice you need to make for the other party involved? OR WORSE, when it WAS what you wanted and what you needed and then in the process of growth and change and flux, which is the nature of our human psyche, you grow apart or one of you is not longer headed in the same direction. OR when the connection and passion and attraction to the "persona" no matter how accurately or inaccurately presented to the other person, DONT match the other person’s preconceptions or desires?
Unavoidable complications that arise in our brand of relationships are difficult enough~ time constraints, family obligations, financial crisis, technical difficulties, health issues all can play big roles in the commitments and the definition of the relationships we share~ no?
And then theres the other biggy~ outside influences. what happens if another steps in and it’s a better fit?
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE ONE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LEASH FINDS THE PERFECT ONE AND ITS NOT YOU??
OOOOOO~ asking the hard questions again, i know, but these are the things i think about when i'm lost in my head.
First, no i'm not talking particulars or about anyone in specifics, and no i'm not bitter or hurt or in anyway upset, i'm just musing.
just trying to put myself into the situations if you'll all just humor me, and if not, now might be the time to change the channel, step off the musey coaster for this part and click awayyyyyy CLIICCKKK AWAYYY!!
This is my process, i analyze and question.
Because its how i learn, its how i GROW, its how i fathom the things that are swirling about inside the deep dark forest of my twisted little mind
But BUUUTTTTTTTTTT (oh hush you know there’s always one)
if the ultimate goal in our relationships is the love, the bond, the connection..the pleasure of the Dominant, does that leave us as submissives in a position where we are expected to toss ourselves on the swords of the relationship gone bad without feeling the human emotions that go alone with a break up because its "the right thing to do" or "it pleases the Dominant?"
is that supposed to dry our tears as we see them with another, see another at their feet, in their lap..in their arms?? is that supposed to heal our hearts and make it all better?
OOO i dont know bout that..
What happens when you as a PERSON , see the train wreck coming, know it’s only a matter of time and you KNOW in your heart of hearts that you should cut the leash so to speak and walk away.
What happens if you’re the one pulling at the leash? if you are no longer happy in the bonds holding you. LOVE NOT being the issue, if the choices aren’t right. the decisions, the circumstances are just too much..does that place your Owner in the position of THROWING THEMSELVES onto the sword of the relationship to ensure your well being and happiness, after all ..isn’t the main concern of any Dominant the overall health and well being of his submissive?
so i guess, in my own wandering little way i'm just asking...what happens when the loves there but things just aren’t right..when there’s no hope left of a tomorrow because one or both of you don’t "fit" anymore.
in Vanilla worlds it’s called divorce and it leaves people bitter and angry and very often dysfunctional.
In our world, it becomes either a player or wannabe for the Dominants, or for the submissives, a lap hopper or worse the couple get tagged with the dreaded velcro syndrome label.
But BUTTTTTT (oh yea another one) i think id rather see couples who are aware of the potential damage they do to the underlying FRIENDSHIP by staying together to avoid the backlash. Honesty is important here no? and if you are together for any reason OTHER than the WANT to be together..then it’s not honest is it?
i mean that’s the big difference. it’s a choice. it’s NOT a marriage. it’s a commitment to something DIFFERENT than a piece of paper and a few words said below flowers and doves in an arch???
IT’S WANT NOT NEED right???
sighs..okay so i'm really spiraling i know but it’s a process, give me a lil bit okay?
how do you separate in VERY HUMAN HEARTS, the difference between the collar and the love when the Dominant on the other end of the leash IS your CHOICE..and even then is that enough to slay the dragons, ease the fears-again. love is the strongest of bonds. i can give back your collar, but i cannot take back my heart~ no?
BLAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
shakes her lil head and loooks round at all the deer in the headlight looks from the submissives and the frowns and crossed arms on the Dominants.
OKAY OKAY OKAY...i'll stop ...FOR NOW. but i'm not anywhere near done. i'm so lost in my own head right now its not funny.
I will set the fire extinguishers at the door , right next to the headache meds for those that now have flaming tempers and raging migraine.
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