COWBOYS AND INDIANS by Queen Kitteh

Cowboys and Indians under blanket forts, you were my little baby, my best friend, my twin. We used to talk for hours dangling over the bunk bed when mom thought we were asleep. Pull all-nighters, get angry from exhaustion pass out in each others' arms. Not a day without you, visits to grandpa. Indian wigwams in the corn field. Arrowhead and fossil hunts, digging through the mud for treasure. We made a pact. Never one without the other.Dressed in army fatigues we'd follow dad off to war. We had a whole imaginative world far away together. We were anything we could think of, massive lego towns and complicated story lines. If only I had a time machine. Now you're slipping away from me, your curses and pointy sharp words. Have you forgotten every where we've been, that I love you? I used to follow you around when you stopped following me. If I couldn't be your hero maybe you could be mine. I keep wishing we could go back to the love before -the end- you threw out all those things i gave you, trying to bury the pleasured past, like you're trying to forget about me. The gap keeps growing. I keep searching for someone to take your place, close the wounds in my heart, make me feel like you made me feel every single day. The truth is, I can't. You will always be my lil sis, my crissy. I try to tell you what you meant to me, but every time I open my mouth you give me that look that says "you shouldn't wear that dress sis," only this time you're judging me like an ugly dress and all I can do is hang my head and let you walk away. I miss you so, I never planned on losing you, you're so close to the edge, won't you let me give you a hand? Please don't jump, I don't think I could live another day with you so far away. Sometimes when I miss you I go through the photos, chuckle with tears brimming, that goofy little smile and those tiny toes. I'll try to make it better, really I will, you always said I could do anything, helped me catch bugs and climb trees. I picked you up when you fell and scraped up your knees. I told you all my secrets, until you stopped telling me yours. I swore I'd kill that guy when he hurt you. You name it, anything in the world and I'd do it for you. Just give me another chance, realize I care. Your scapegoat. It's just a big nightmare. You don't have to love me, but if you could at least put down the knife pointed at my throat, maybe we could talk. Stroll in the park, take a relaxed walk and get this sorted out. It's time to face the music someday we'll be gone, worlds apart, but at least let me say...You're beautiful, I love you, I wish you the best, if we can't be friends now, maybe we can meet tomorrow and fix this mess.