THE CHOICE by Amaranth*

The Choice

She stands, water lapping around her feet, sinking in the sand, staring out at the grey brown expanse of ocean in front of her.

In her head she is tall and slim, looking the picture of beauty in her simple semi-sheer slip dress. Wind whipping her hair, a true poetic beauty, the sort of woman men love and women envy. The sort of woman who could be loved.

In reality her 300lb frame filled the dress a little too well and her oedematous feet and legs were causing excrutiaing pain, so much she was finding it difficult to remain standing without her face contorting into some grotesque representation of her discomfort.

To stay standing with as much dignity and elegance she could muster, she did. Staring out at the sea, which in her head was a beautiful crystalline blue. So beautiful but dangerous this seemingly inert body of water. So many secrets, depths not explored. So much about it would never be understood.

So, she summised, this powerful expanse of water she could liken to herself. It was large, hidden depths and a calm exterior hiding its power. It was also, she concluded, beautiful.

She looked down at her grotesque stomach prominent below her smaller breasts. Leaning forward and watching the water wash the sand away from her feet. An invisible bond draws her forward, taking tentative steps so not to fall she wades into the water.

The wind whips up and sings in her ears, masking the cries of her name. She wades up to her shoulders and turns around. Raising a hand she waves. Her final goodbye to the elegant man stood on the shore as he leaned forward to catch his breath. Wind whipping a white slip of paper in his hand, her note.

She sees the stranger approach him, but didnt hear the short dialogue the two exchanged, the paper bearer wading forward after her as he screams "No she can't swim".

She lays back, letting the water fill her ears, deadening the noise now she only had the comfort of her thoughts. She holds her breath, no panic, no fear, simply letting herself be consumed by the ocean, back to where she belongs. She opens her eyes at the precise moment she needed to, the gasp in awe at the silohettes above her swimming and the sun, coming out from behind the clouds at that exact point, making the water above seem a beautiful green blue. That awestruck gasp filled her lungs, took her last breath.

They say her eyes shone and she was smiling when they pulled her from the water. In death all could see the beauty she was, that which she never saw in herself in life.



Amaranth
18th June 2012