THE SHINY FACTOR By PhoenixRed *

When you get into BDSM and D/s relationships, especially if you are new to this, everything seems cool and exciting and pushes boundaries and limits; it's all so overwhelming and wonderful and beautiful!   It’s SHINY!!!

You find someone, you start getting experience and you think:  "I've found my nirvana, this is how I want it to be for the rest of my life!"

And all is good with the universe :)



Then at some time into a D/s relationship (it may be weeks, months or years, depending on how often you spend time together) ...  Something happens ... The "SHINY!!!" wears off.

By this point you hopefully know your partner well, have built trust, and have good communication.


By this point you've tried a lot of activities, you know all the rules.  A lot of the horizons have been expanded and boundaries pushed.  Maybe you softened or eliminated some hard limits; maybe you’ve picked up some new hard limits.

But, now it's not always new and exciting any more.  It's a relationship, with a control structure.
All that frenetic "new relationship energy" has kind of leveled out.
Guess what....... it happens to everyone.

This is one of the main points at which D/s relationships tend to start having problems and/or break up.
This is the point where you start learning if you're really suited to a long-term D/s relationship or not.

This is when each partner starts getting antsy.  Subs/slaves say, “I don't feel as much of the control any more, we never do anything new".  Dominants/Owners say, "I don't really see that enthusiasm in my sub's service anymore".

This is the point when, especially in online D/s relationships, people get bored and leave the relationship thinking it's broken somehow.

This is many times the point when people start looking for another partner and/or relationship, because then it becomes newer again....they may be the same activities, but it's a new person!  “I want a new partner so I can experience the wonder and excitement of all this again!” … there's new relationship energy again!
SHINY!!!    I want to make it SHINY again!

Long-term D/s relationships can be like long-term vanilla relationships; you get comfortable with each other, you get into routines, a lot of the relationship revolves around the more mundane aspects of day to day living.
Can you do anything to put more excitement into a long-running relationship?  SURE!  Be creative, put new spins on old activities, try new activities.

What do you have at this point that you didn't have in the beginning of the relationship?  Why shouldn’t you just go get a new partner and go for the new shiny?

Now, after time with someone, you have equity in the relationship, implicit trust, stability, knowing your partner is there for you even if the shiny has worn off.

You KNOW that you're loved, cared for and valued for the long haul…

You are secure in your role, and you KNOW that your dynamic will endure …

Well, I happen to think that there's something to be said for that too :)