CONSENT By squirrels

BDSM, S&M, M/s,D/s are nebulous things. The three tenents that most practitioners say they embrace is Safe, Sane and Consensual, but in reality? Is it safe to use a knife during play, to draw blood, to whip someone until they are bruised? Is it sane to enjoy the hiss of pain from your partner or the feel of his or her belt on your back? I don't know.

I've had people ask me in the past. How can you do that? How can you let someone hurt you and enjoy it? what's the difference between that and an abusive relationship?, and I never had an answer. I could never explain the power exchange, the joy of submission, the absolute trust involved, knowing that while a sadist may hurt you, they also love and cherish you. I could never explain that "forced sex" or "rough sex" between a Master and his slave wasn't rape. That either one or most likely both have fetishes that they express differently than so called "normal" people. That the consent had already been given, the trust established and to them it's a form of release.

I do know what the difference is now. The giving someone else the power to use, abuse, care for, coddle, toy with etc and having those options denied forcefully. The rush of adrenaline and heightened sexuality versus the fear and pain of not knowing whether your next breath will be your last. The absolute trust and knowledge that we as submissives, give freely and know..through all the pain and fear, that we are loved, cherished and will be taken care of. 

The difference in the two is consent and intent.

I give my Master consent to hurt me, but not to harm me. 

My Master takes that consent and His intention is to use it to make me a better slave, to expand my boundaries, to help me achieve more for myself, to improve upon what is already there.

An abuser, doesn't wait for consent to be given. His intent is to harm, or humiliate or both to take what is not given. Thus no power exchange, no D/s. There is no high, no trust, no exchange of power. Sure, it's an ACT of power..but the transfer of power from one person to the other is absent. And with that absence comes a profound loss of anything remotely BDSM, S/m, D/s, M/s.