At first I felt nothing but a kind of dull shock, but I sensed an immense darkness gathering at the edges of my mind, like a psychological storm. I told myself I was doing the healthy thing, keeping the past where it belonged, and getting on with my life. Every so often a fact or thought would materialize in my mind, based on what I remembered of the times that were. Your heart is closed, your mind is shut, your silence is loud and clear. You've turned you back on me and here I stand wondering why. What could I have done? What could I have said? Was I to needy, was I too much. Your thoughts and feeling were always first priority. Maybe that was my fault. I put you on a pedestal that even I couldn't reach. As I sit at your feet and look up into the space that I have placed between us all I can see is the distance I cannot travel. The distance I have created. The distance that an empty soul could never cross. The still night creeps over me and I finally see. A vision of the perfect me. It wasn't what I didn't offer it's what I did offer. An unquestionable love that would never fail, an unconditional trust, an honest heart that would never falter and a soul that would submit to the end.
~~~ sui
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