'TRAINING' by kyra *

One of the most common and online isms Ive run across in the BDSM rooms is the idea that a sub can be "trained" by someone who is NOT his or her Master/Mistress. I've been surprised on more than one occasion where submissives new to the scene and new to BDSM.D/s, M/s tell me that they are being "trained" by someone to teach them to be a submissive. This is wrong on more than one level.

First: No one can train you to be something you aren't. All the training in the world wont make a dog into a cat. If you are submissive and you've acknowledged that then how can anyone make you more of a submissive?

Second: If you are new to the scene, then the brunt of your training ideally should fall on yourself. Read, research, study, talk to other submissives, attend events..do everything to educate and figure out exactly what YOU want from the relationship. Ie what your wants and needs, dreams and desires are. Once you know yourself..then you are ready to find a Dominant.

Third: It makes no sense whatsoever to pretend that the Dominant is training an unowned sub. The mere act of training implies a D/s relationship. You are learning from the D exactly what He/she expects. NOT what the entire BDSM community expects, because each individual is different. Each person will train their sub to be pleasing to THEM. By "training" you are learning what that particular Dominant expects.

Fourth: If they aren't in a dynamic with you..ie they aren't your Dom/me then why would they train you? I have a few theories however I really dont know. Perhaps they are trying to help, perhaps they are a predator looking for an easy mark in an inexperienced sub.

It seems funny to me that most 'training' happens in secret when the whole concept of BDSM is based on trust & honesty. To me, especially with an inexperienced submissive, it is a predatory act to seclude a newbie to "train" them, thus denying them the ability to learn from their peers, to talk to other subs. To research what their rights, their own limits, their needs are. To deny them the ability to grow and expand and LEARN. Thus denying them the ability to become the "complete" submissive they deserve.